Of Positivity

Hello

It's been a while since i last post something truly brutally honest here. All these while, I kept things to myself, those things that I'm worried about; about the future, about life, about work and all.

Future. To think that in just 7,8 months, I'll become someone's wife. A WIFE. The word itself carry so much responsibility. Will I ever be a good wife to him? Can I give him everything that he wants and needs? God knows I can't cook to save my life, will we eat outside everyday? Mom usually does the laundry and all, can I actually take care of his needs? How will I know which to hand wash, which to machine wash? I am actually terrified of all these. Mostly because I'm never trained to be someone like that. I don't want him to look down on me, to laugh at me for not knowing simple things like that. 

I've read that being in a relationship and being married is a whole lot different. And I'm truly scared that when the time comes, I'll chickened out. Heck, even when I am about to get engaged, I get cold feet. I kept thinking of my past, wondering if he is really the guy for me. 

There's just so much in my life that I hate right now, and no one knows it but me, and also him. But I learned to shut up about it and don't show it too much in public, hence me being all chirpy and happy. Because I know, if I give in to my emotions, that'll be the end of it. 

I do feel depressed once in a while, when we talked about something that worries me to death! And I hate this feeling actually, truly hate it. That is why I try my best not to be depressed. As cliche as it sound, life is short. That is the only reason I try my very best to snap out of it. Because not only it'll effect myself, it will also effect my relationship with him and everyone around me. 

There's just so much I wish I could write, but then again, most of the time, some things are better left unsaid. And with this headache that I have now, it's the best combination, and I just want to sleep it off.

Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow morning, the headache is gone and I'll have my positive self again. Negative aura, go away!